This is what am i about to look forward to. Walking off a ledge. There is so much fear but that's what it takes to start over again. I have always been one for adventure and am so grateful for this opportunity. A part of me mourns my adolescence and even college when adventure was continuous, the hope in something new, the wonder of what the future will hold and who you will become and just around the corner is a new adventure just waiting for you to bump into it. As a college graduate of 3 years I can safely say...working life and adulthood gets mundane at best and the sense of adventure I once had, I once carried as my banner, is no more. And I miss that me.
Enter Eurotrip. But first I will be quitting my job. YES!! Fear comes into play because I don't have another job lined up and will be living "jobless" for a couple of months while waiting for my sister to have her baby in the first of November so I can nanny while she gets acclimated to having a new born and now 4 children! Im so excited to spend uninterrupted time with my nephews for a couple of months...to go on adventures together, get icecream, road trips, go to the playground, and just generally spoil them with my attention, instead of wizzing out the door in the am and telling them "i cant play because i have to go to work", and seeing them briefly for an hour in the evenings before they go to bed, if i even get home before they go to bed. I cannot believe I have been commuting for 2 1/2 years almost an hour each way to work. Im so ready to have a life again, to get 2 hours of my day back that will not be spent in the car. The only problem is I'm not sure what job I want to have next...I dont know if I want to work in the nursing homes again or what...I am hoping that these next few months (sept-november) will help clear my head and reset my career path.
Looking back at this blog I realize I am in a much different place than when I started this. I needed an outlet for my sadness and my loneliness when my family moved to philly for 6 months over a year ago. Prior to that my boyfriend had broken up with me and my whole world just seemed to be falling apart when my family had to leave me here alone for 6 months. Although it was difficult, I ended up with lots of great stories and a couple of quality friends. Through that experience I grew to love this tiny town instead of resent it, and I learned what living in a "community" really means. Most of all I am healthier now than I have been in 4 or 5 years. I feel like God gave me the opportunity, in fact he almost gave me no other choice but to change my life, again. He always does that. It brings me to tears to know how many times God has pulled me out of my own selfish choices and drawn my heart back to him because I am his beloved daughter and he will have it no other way. God has also brought incredible healing to my relationship with my dad, which may not have taken place without deep intercessory prayer and forgiveness. I wouldn't change anything that has happened in the last 3 years that I have lived here in Virginia.  
On top of god returning my heart and mind to him, he has also provided a way to restore my health. I went to this place http://progressivemedicalcenter.com/ in Atlanta recently to get medical tx for my chronic sinus infections, insomnia, to gain weight, and for generally being exhausted all the time and it has made a world of difference. For the first time in almost 5 or 6 years I have the energy of a normal person. I don't feel constantly exhausted all the time. Also, I have kept from having a sinus infection for 5 months, which is remarkable considering I continually got one for a whole year prior to this.


Here is one of the places I am most excited to visit....I will be here with my backpack and another adventure seeker from gradschool in just over a month!!!


 
Cinque Terre, Italy

 “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

I realize it has been quite awhile since I've written anything here. A lot has happened. Just have not actually sat down to write. And now for the first time in years I am suffering from a little touch of the insomnia. Awesome. my mind is absolutely racing with to-do-lists, future hopes and plans, past hopes and plans gone wrong, and god...of course. I am asking god what is my next step? and are the plans I have for myself the same ones god has for me? and how do I know? and why can't i let go of things from the past? and how do I change that in the future? I wish God would just talk to me. But then I remember that He does. He probably has tried and it's likely that I had my back turned to Him while working on something else with the music on, drowning out anything that would distract or bother me while focusing elsewhere. Sorry God, but I'm all ears now! yeah, I know it doesn't work that way, although it seems to be the method  I have adopted these days. I'm not sure why I can't get my spiritual life consistently focused. I am really trying but I don't think I am at it hard enough to push into the next step with confidence that I've got God's support. Everyone else seems to think so though, isn't that what counts?

The scripture I am pondering this week "Be joyful in Hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer"
Romans 12:12
I think this is a good place to start and be focused. Actually I stumbled upon this because I realize wind has been knocked out of me and my hope in the Lord with it. Often I am only just trying to convince myself of the hope in the lord, that i can trust him with such a precious thing. that's awful right? I think I am coming around though. Tonight in bible study we talked about humility and about god's purposes in patience in our lives, that he sometimes even creates circumstances in which to frustrate or create the right heart responses to our faith in Him in those instances. And I looked at God and gave Him a little nod in those moments, because I know my response has not been one of faith or hope or patience. It has been that of a rotten child who has not gotten her way (which has honestly been a rare thing in my life) and has her lips stuck out and arms crossed. Oh, it's such a sad thing to watch too. When God has a bigger plan, a better plan...and I am silently unwilling. It's so unbecoming. But I am getting there.

Another passage that often comes to mind.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;         5   Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,         10   And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.         15   I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

Oh Mr. Frost, you were so brave.

Trust

Today my devotion is perfect for where my heart is right now. it says "Trust me (GOD) by relinquishing control into my hands. Let go and recognize that I am God. This is my world.

"My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Exodus 33:14

thoughts on love

Random quotes I came across today. Both true.


“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.”




“Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.”


Yep, this makes me laugh aloud. so awesome.

Good tidings.

I'm right where I am supposed to be. And I really like where I'm at.

thought for the day.

"Never count success by money gained. That is not the mind of My kingdom. Your success is the measure of my will and mind that you have revealed to those around you. Your success in the measure of my Will that those around you have seen worked out in your life."  A.J. Russell

October Update

It is certainly time for an update. Life is super busy right now but I'm actually enjoying being in fast motion again. Now being so busy, I feel like I am back in college trying to juggle "it all" like I once did, work, studying, social life, etc. It's kind of nice to have that face past  routine and purpose that forces me to stay on a disciplined schedule. I naturally am not disciplined which is in part why I worked and tried to train for half-marathons and other fun running events in order to increase my level of discipline, which always made me a better student. Strange to some, but that works for me. When I got out of school, I just wanted to be fat and lazy and totally undisciplined because I had been for 6 and a half years non-stop in order to get through college. And well, for now I am back at it.
I am still working full-time...but the last 3 weeks have been doing half days at my facility and then half days at another facility that does not have a speech therapist right now. I just started treating a patient at the local hospital every evening after I get back from work (I work about 45 minutes from my home). On top of that I am taking on online course (12 hours long) that is the prerequisite for an onsite course to become certified in Vital Stim (a tx intervention that will be great for my resume at some point). So I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Also have started an 8 week bible study that is so good. I am really enjoying being in fellowship with other believers and especially women. I am so excited to draw close to God in this season of my life and am enjoying his presence. I have spent the last few years doing my own thing and a distant God, that now it is so good to be with my old "friend" again.

Another bonus is that I think my gain weight diet is working. Last time I went to the Dr. a few weeks ago (for yet another sinus infection) I had gained 5 lbs, and my pants continue to get tighter :) Also, we found out that our house had mold and asbeto in it. so we had to move out for a week while it got cleaned out...but that may have been the cause of my ongoing sinus infections because I am highly allergic to mold/dust, etc.

Here is a recent video (a month/two ago) of caleb :) I taught him some signature dance moves...AKA "the sprinkler"

Me and Brandea and baby Caleb at the fair

The boys Andrew (L) and Peter (R). At the fair...