Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Time's up

So the time has come, and there is much to get ready before my sister, her husband, and ALL three boys return to the manse. I am so excited to welcome them home. It's been 6 months since they left.
My mom is also coming up this week. Can't even describe how excited I am to have my mom around...it's as if "home" is coming to visit me for awhile.
I am in the midst of healing at this time. Am working through life, the past and the present, as well as the"build-up" and "junk" in some of my most vulnerable and broken places. I met with a woman last week and prayed through a lot of things that have been weighing heavy on my heart for awhile now...and  am breaking free of the junk, and greeting that old familiar friend, "hope" again.  More prayer is scheduled for this week and event though it is a very painful and more vulnerable process than I am naturally comfortable with, it is very necessary.
In less than 2 weeks my mom and i will leave for San Francisco! I can't believe it's almost here.  I'm so excited, and so glad I get to spend this quality time with my mom. Im very thankful she is healthy enough to do things like this and know it is something I will look back on with fond memories.
I think a lot about what life would be like without my parents, or have anxiety about my relationship with my dad if he dies. I'm not sure if this is just because I work in a nursing home and am near the end stages of life and walking families through this process on a daily basis, or if this is a normal thought process to have at this age, but regardless...I think about it a lot. The time we have with our families is so precious.

Had the best time tonight with the "church ladies"; we had a girls night and played taboo (one of the few games i like, because it involves words and language) and drank daiquiris and laughed so much. One of the ladies said "this is just like college" and it made me smile. Also, one of the ladies (who doesn't go to our church but runs in this particular circle of women) was there and let me borrow her belt because I complimented her taste in belts...because at the time she was wearing a wonderful belt I had recently been eyeing from a local gallery. I really like her, she is sort of who i hope to be as I age...spry, great jewelry, accessories, and funny. Also, i find it both amusing while simultaneously irksome that the women were surprised at how funny I am...and comparing me to my sister. Ofcourse I am funny. it is one of my best traits...as a kid I definately was like chandler from "Friends", using humor as a deflector from the pain...and over time...that humor was perfected.

These comments are the one thing I am not looking forward to about my sister coming home. I don't like feeling overshadowed by my sister. I like that I have made friends and community and become engaged in my current situation and surroundings and I fear when charles and brandea get back I will be swept back under the rug again...and no longer will I get dinner invitations, but we will ALL get the same dinner invitation...I dont want to be seen just as "brandea's sister" or "the preacher's sister-in-law". I actually think I am pretty interesting but because I am guarded and reserved I easily get pushed out of the picture. For all that I have worked for...I don't want to go back to being "the sister"; Please pray for me that my heart changes and I can be a servant and fulfill my ministry during this season. SOme people are called to Africa, others to serve their city, but I am called to serve my family...my nephews...and in a way, it is hardest and thankless of them all...please pray that god continues to move in my heart and change my heart to be a servant this year.