Mountain to Sea trail

I figured since my last blog was so strange and depressing I should check in so that people know I am still here, and really as crazy as my last sylvia plath postings may have hinted at. I feel like im on the other side of the mountain now. I have 25 hours of community service to look forward to, some reconciliation with God in my near future (i'm just sure of it), my family will be back in a couple of months along with tulips and warm weather, and a completed quilt  or 2 and a book that should be finished soon; So things are certainly looking up.
 I've been so aggravated with the state of my life as I am "in the middle" of a myriad of projects...funny to think that just 6 months ago I was complaining that I was not doing "anything", no hobbies or passions or things to pass time by other than work. My quality of life has certainly improved in the last couple of months, although my heart still isn't quite right, but this too shall pass....So all in all, things are looking up. A part of me doesn't want to let the heart pangs go, because it really means saying goodbye to a season of my life entailed in the good and the bad emotions the beginnings and the ends...to push that floating log that once saved my life back out to sea and watch it drift out of view, eventually forgetting it's significance and healing purposes in my life. I will stay by the shore and wait for the next drifting log to come to shore...although I hope I am not just standing and waiting for it, I hope I am dancing, spinning, laughing, and living when that drifter hits land.

I'm just afraid to let go of love because what if I can't get that feeling back ever again. What if I just forget how to feel the right emotions and have the right responses in order to give my heart to someone else.
It's surreal at times to realize that I am ok again without him, without anyone here really.I have returned to my life that existed before him (baseline), but actually I am not that same person, so I guess we are not to go back, but to go forward.... it scares me a little bit to have that capacity and be so ok with being alone most of my life, it makes me afraid that I will end up alone because it's so easy and comfortable to me, it's second nature.