Sunday, December 30, 2012
One more year. Just one more year until I'm 30. How did that happen? Sometimes I think I should have been doing something else by now...but what? Seriously, I'm happy and I'm who I always wanted to be. I've always wanted to be single for awhile, work, travel, and have time to contemplate life and have the flexibility to do what I want. Done. There is not a time span in my last 10 years that I would take back, exchange, regret, or have done anything differently in. God has been faithful and good to me. He continues to demonstrate his devotion as a father and allow opportunities shower me with love and forgiveness in difficult situations. I have always said that I didn't see myself getting married until I was at least 30. Well I'm almost there and I continue to not have regrets about this statement. I think I've needed this time to even consider marriage and kids and what all that really means. It's been really good for me to live with my sister and Charles and witness what marriage actually looks like. Growing up I lived with my single mother basically and did not know about marriage, just that I was afraid of it...all this time I've been so afraid. Now I have lived and breathed it and I know that it would be a good thing for me. Now I know what it means to raise children...it's hard work, but worth it, so worth it. Had I not had this time living in Warm Springs with my sister , brother-in-law and nephews, I would still be out there somewhere...afraid of a future, afraid of a legacy, and redemption for portions of my heart and relationships still looming in the margins. I'm not afraid, in fact I yearn.