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I have happily created a safe place for myself here in Warm Springs, forming friendships, running again, and improving my overall quality of life by getting involved here. Although, I have had very lonely moments and there have been many a tear in the last 6 months, overall I think I am in a good place. For a long time I have experienced an extended winter...starting since last July, and am embracing the change of seasons in both physical and spiritual state at every opportunity; Just a week ago I felt myself affirmed in the contrasted colors of greens in the various elevations of the mountains on my daily drive to and from work. Part of me is the blooming spring green, with a fresh face to embrace yet another season of life, whatever it may have in store for me...while a deeper part of me is still a dark green, where there are more shadows and the sun does linger, and nature needs time to take it's course.
Well it turns out I was not so safe after all, it was really just my own man-made diversion. Turns out I am still broken and have a long way to go.
I am grateful for my brother-in-law who, in the last 10 years, has stepped into my life to take over the godly man/role model in my life without ever being asked. He has always taken the time to help me heal, to impart wisdom, and genuine concern for my wholeness as his sister. And tonight, I saw him cry for me. In all these years, I am not certain I can remember this happening before. And, that's when I knew I was in serious trouble.   It turns out there is more healing that needs to happen in areas of my life including with my father, and some of my relationship issues that are pretty deep that I have been avoiding here lately. I kind of hit a brick wall with things in the last two weeks and have not sought God because I just lost hope I guess. But Charles gave me a word that I am missing out on the blessing because of the spiritual block in my life and I wish it weren't true, but I know he is right. and so now I have to move. I have to act. I can't be disobedient, because I am here, in warm springs, for such a time as this, i know. I have to be okay before I leave here, and I really really want to leave here. so that's motivation enough.
Also, the funniest thing here lately is that my family is trying to have an intervention for my thinness (out of nowhere, because I have been thin for about 4 years now), which is seriously turning into an after school special. I have had some very cliche conversations with my sister and with charles that one would watch on the lifetime channel about my said eating disorders and anorexia. But I have consented to go to the Dr. to make sure I'm okay, although I have always said it's just a worm.

"Rejoice in the spring time of the year.Let there be Springtime in your hearts. The full time of fruit is not yet but there is the promise of the blossom." A.J. Russell

Ramble

I'm in a really good place right now. In fact, I'm rather enjoying my lot in life now. I am working and saving money to go on a euro-tour for a few months hopefully next August. So now I am diligently pressing on toward that goal...I thrive with goals, and my life feels like it has some purpose again. Also, I'm in the market for a "new" used car because the transmission is slipping again in my ZX2. I'm pretty excited for the excuse to get another car since I've had my old one for about 9 years! It was my very first car I bought all by myself when I was a Snr in high school. And now it's time for an SUV baby! I'm so pumped. It is a "freeman" thing for us women to have big cars and be able to tow and tote things...it's like I came out of the womb with that instinct or something...I actually already have a hitch. So I'm totally prepared.
Also, I was a victim of a flash flood this weekend. I went into the wine shop and the next thing I know, the sidewalk which I had used 15 minutes ago was covered by a strong current of rushing water, and water was coming into the store from under the door! I was so scared. Logs were literally floating through the downtown. I had visions of being rescued in a boat and my car (parked on the main street) floating away, while a helicopter documented overhead for the local evening news. So the shop owner handed me a glass of wine to pass the time and help cease the shaking in my knees. And just as quickly as it started, the water receded and I was back on my way.
And such is life in Warm Springs, VA...

Update

You may wonder what I do out in these woods to occupy my time, with my family gone, and no television...well...

This is what I've been working on for Caleb. I started quilting this winter, actually a part of two quilting classes. A co-worker organized everyone to make "squares" for a quilt for my newest nephew (who has a severe heart defect) and of course, I offered to assemble the quilt, quite the ontaking since I have not yet completed a quilt in any of my classes. Everyone was so awesome and even people who are not crafty made something. I was really touched and encouraged daily by this project and it brought me hope. Most days, I would show up to work and there would be new "squares" waiting! It made my day to see how much people cared about my family and how enthusiastic they were about this project. I have not completely finished it yet, but it only needs the border around the edges and that won't take long! So excited and proud of my first completed quilt!

Up-close view of the "squares" made by staff/co-workers

There are safety pins still in that I used to keep it together while I sewed.

Heading to Philly over Easter weekend and will surprise the family with it! Can't wait.

So I currently have allergies and possibly a sinus infection which has resulted in laryngitis again! I can't believe this. Exactly this time last year I remember staying home from work for 2 days and looking out at the tree blooming right outside my window and loving that I got to see it in the days many lights because I was home...well I'm about at that place again! haha. Note to self- if I ever get married, I am not to do it in the month of April, because I am not very pretty, pleasant, or able to talk during parts of April.

Also, it is bad timing because in 1 month from today I will be participating in this race
http://www.warriordash.com/
super excited but also way out of shape...(I haven't run in almost 2 years)...So I am also currently reading the book "Born to Run" by Christopher McDougall in order to re-visit and re-inspire my love for running.

Tomorrow I am supposed to go hunting for mushrooms with my forest ranger friend. Apparently this is something people do around here, or maybe in lots of places and I had never heard of it until a couple of weeks ago. But apparently this is mushroom season?!

Also, another random story about my life here.
Some man from my church called here to ask me on a date, and when I say man, I mean...he's been married before and is a bit older than what I'm goin for. I have never met him, at least I don't think. But even though we've never met, he knows me, where I live, and therefore my phone number, because I stick out like a sore thumb around here...Maybe I don't. But I sure feel like I do most of the time.

Napolean

I ate a giant bowl of Napolean ice cream tonight because I have a really sore throat and it's a good excuse to eat bowls and bowls of my favorite ice cream. Funny how such a wonderful thing reminds me of this past summer which was saturated with sadness and disappointment. After my ex-boyfriend broke up with me Charles and Brandea were immediately armed with said ice cream. I ate bowls of it in bed, just like I did tonight. And then, only two weeks later Caleb was diagnosed with a severe heart defect and it was just devastating to us all, but especially to Brandea and she too was comforted by said ic cream.  It just is funny how I had forgotten the comfort I had found in eating ice cream, and haven't had or needed any of it in quite some time. I sure do hope this is a napolean-free summer!

Stuck in the Mud

Feeling like I'm in a rut the last couple of  weeks and just  not able to move forward right now. My friend and I got stuck in the mud this weekend while parking in the grass for an event. The wheels just kept spinning and spinning. Although we brainstormed some pretty good gameplans to get "unstuck" we were reluctant to attempt them without some assistance, afraid we would only get ourselves into more of a mess...sinking down deeper. Turns out the fix was pretty easy, we just lacked the confidence and experience to get our vehicle safe to dry land.  Next time we'll know. 
I too am hoping this is an easy fix, God will come and rescue me with his all-knowing wisdom and guidance onto the dry land. But I'm not really sure if I should be waiting around on God or if it's my turn to take the plunge by myself.