Measure for health

After reading my friends blog which was used as a "getting out of debt" forum and diary I was really inspired. Maybe I should start writing about how much I eat...since it is what consumes my thoughts right now as I am trying to gain 10 pounds. Yes, I know...it's kind of the opposite problem that people struggle with but real none the less. I have never been overly in love with the way I look since I became so thin, just as I don't think girls who are underweight are attractive either. I had a friend in college who was so pretty but seriously and grossly skinny and it made her a less attractive person on the scale from 1-10. Strangely and ironically I used to struggle a lot with my weight when I was in high school. I was athletic and muscular (hard to imagine for anyone who knows me now), a size 4/5 most of the time and my mom once told one of my best friends when I left the room that I was a bit "chunky" and that I had to be careful because that was just my "build"; I already struggled with anorexia before my best friend tattled on my mom's unkind words...so it only made matters worse. I remember thinking about every single thing I ate. It was all consuming and so frustrating not to be able to starve myself enough to be "skinny"; Later, I learned that lots of kids with my family background and dysfunctions developed eating disorders because eating was the only thing in our worlds that we could control. The only thing. And as soon as I heard that I knew it was the root of my sickness.  After college I eventually confessed my struggles to God and was delivered right then from that illness. I never struggled with it again. I realized the root of my issues and from then on I have been working on those things...it's been almost 10 years since then...and I am still working on my stuff...but ironically...I am now trying to gain weight...trying to become a "healthier" me.
I've started eating Luna Bars with my breakfast, and a Boost shake in between lunch and dinner for the last two weeks. It's been really awesome. For the first time I don't feel hungry all the time and I didn't realize how good that feels.
Today I messed up a bit. I had a luna bar and a half of a bagel and coffee. For lunch I just had a zebra cake :(; I ate a pimento cheese sandwich on my drive home. And now a carnation breakfast for dinner. Fail. Work has been pretty frustrating lately and I find myself not eating at lunch time on these days...Better luck tomorrow!