The Heart has a Mind of its own

Tomorrow is my birthday...this is one I've been preparing myself for the last 6 months..isn't it too soon to hit my "scary" age? Well, apparently being single and in your late twenties will do that to you. This is the first time I've actually let society's expectations effect me in this way. Usually I'm passionately standing on a soap box shouting at the top of my lungs about not letting your worth be placed in a man and in marriage...and I still believe that to an extent, but I also believe in the bigger picture, I'm slowly throwing my coins into the same jar as everyone else. Let's face it, I work in a nursing home...and I realize that if I become a spinster and have no offspring I could very possibly live out my last years or months in an institution...alone. At the age of 26 I have been looking around going "this is pretty awesome...I love being twenty-something." And after tomorrow, I'm gonna be looking around saying, "Man I better enjoy these twenty-somethings because I'm about to be thirty-something with nothing to show." 
As I am approaching this fine number I have also realized the high importance of being intentional with my time, my vacations, and goals because life is sorta happening fast...although I do only feel like I've had the freedom to travel and make decisions related to my hopes and dreams since I've graduated from grad school a year ago. And honestly, I'm still exploring and thoroughly enjoying the freedom that being financially independent is bringing. So this year, I actually made personal annual goals that I am looking forward to crossing of the list!


All day long I have heard these lyrics in my head of John and Taylor's song "half of my heart"-


"Half of my heart's got a real good imagination
Half of my heart's got you
Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you
That half of my heart won't do"

Im actually in the midst of pondering of the heart...I've been so irritated with myself as to why I can't move my heart on to a new relationship, I want to in my mind...but my heart has a mind of it's own and I am just it's puppet on some level. Even though my mind has processed a lot from my recent break-up this summer and is ready to move forward, my heart still loves and is unwilling to yield itself to the faint whims of my mind. It remains the same...probably waiting on Hope to respond...Although my mind screams "Move forward" and "Let's GO!!!", my heart is loyal and steadfast. 
And alas, this thing that seems so fragile and easily broken is strong enough to persevere with the rawest form of human emotion.  I can only sigh, knowing it just needs time to fall out of love. 

Oh, what a lovely and awful addiction this poor little heart must forsake given time... 

Back to John's lyrics...I've always felt  that I loved with half of my heart...and I still believe that to be true in all of my past relationships. Although in my most recent relationship I learned (and was so glad) that I had the capacity to love with all my heart... only in the end to realize I was being loved in return with only half of a heart. And now I know exactly what it feels like for someone to deliver the lines...

"Your faith is strong, but I can only fall short for so long

Down the road, later on
You will hate that I never gave more to you
Than half of my heart"

So I decided these two things:

Who wants to be loved with half of a heart anyway? I deserve more. And...

I would rather have loved with the whole than to have wondered if I lost him because I only gave half.

And so i leave you with a song I found that is the Anthem of a single girl in her "late" twenties...because of society's expectations. Gee, thanks society for making me feel this way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWjNFC-FinU