Switch backs in the dark

Tonight I drove home after driving to a nearby town to get fast food and groceries. I would much rather go home without going to all those places because everywhere I go outside of work reminds me that I am alone, because I am. I bought all these groceries tonight thinking...now I have to go home, put them all up, and make a meal out of them this week for one. The aloneness of it all is absolutely daunting right now. As I drove through the dark of night up the mountain through the winding switchbacks, I felt more and more hopeless, driving away from civilization, the lights, the convenient stores, towards my little house up on the hill, waiting silently for my arrival. No one waits at home, no one calls me to check and see if I had a good day, or to listen to me vent about a day from hell, or better yet...to make sure I didn't drive my car over a switchback. I just don't know how people do this day in and day out. It was never hard for me to be single...until I realized how wonderful it is to be in love, to have a "we", or for my phone ring every now and then just because someone cares for no reason; So now the aloneness is insufferable at times, with my family gone and only memories of a good relationship that somehow fell short. Tonight it felt like I was driving into this abyss of darkness, of the unknown, and it's so incredibly scary. I am ready for  my companion, for someone to do things with, to begin my adventure with and "our" story. It feels like I am waiting on that before life begins, and I don't want to be that girl...but I am very much aware that "my light is on" far more than I ever have been before. And  I wish I didn't know it. Because it hurts. And I know I still have many miles left of switch backs to take alone through the dark.